Let there be peace

Let there be peace, let me have peace.

I don't understand why I feel fine but I have many troubled dreams recently.

One was on squashy, meshy dead aquarium fishes, one on terrorist attack and I was firing arms at them like in combat. Another stressful dream, I cannot remember. And lastly this morning, dreamt about work related stuff: under-quoted sales, low profit margin, delayed delivery, website design and moved office to Suntec area where the bus home did not arrive till 11 at night.

My gosh, I hope this is cleansing, just cleanse away the toxics that i have please.

Collages December

Adeline made me a booklet album of collages for Christmas.

It is very well done and it sums up her good wishes for me.

So sweet of her, touches my heart.

Retreat 2008

This year, we have booked a room at a small motel off West Coast Road to do our retreat.

I must say that there ought to be a review either quarterly or half-yearly so that there will be ample time to adjust our actions towards the goals we've set, however, I often am not serious enough to follow up.

Well, it is high time we have a retreat this year cos we skipped it last year.
There are loads of changes ahead and I really embrace and look forward to them.

For this year end, Suhaimi is finally getting married. Brendan will travel to KL for his wedding banquet and I will give it a miss. Mainly because it is on the eve of the Lunar New Year and I want to be in Singapore on Chinese New Year day. I am still somewhat rather traditional, visiting my Grandpa & the temple is a ritual I will not miss. As I age, I grow to appreciate visiting my relatives' homes with whatever chances I get. So yes, I love the Lunar New Year!

Oh, finally too, Jon is getting married. 30th Dec. Some of us just make that move much later than others. Well, he said he still believes in the institution of marriage and asked what I think of him. I said of course, I am glad he still believes.

We could only love our children, parents, our siblings more than anybody else, so when we meet a stranger-turned-lover, it's when the love extends to become family love. By all means, pursue it.

Making Amends

Every year around Christmas, my paternal family has a Christmas Party.
It is a non-religious affair since most of my relatives were not Christians until recent years. We started this event in 1987, and it has been 20 years!
The party was skewed toward a Christian theme for the last couple of years and some of us were not that comfortable with it. I felt that those sharing thingy should have a different platform as I don't feel that it is right to make other easy going people sit through it or join in with the church choir etc. The good intention does not work if it was intended for good, but for unprepared attendees, it is rather invading. Hence, we discussed and felt that it should remain a non-religious one as we have to respect the choices of the now minority non-Christians.
Whatever the case, the feedback didn't go down very well with my aunts and I felt quite caught in the middle of a disagreement. Since my aunts were still very much keen to have the party, we went ahead with it yesterday, though we were somewhat missing my cousins & the children.

I wondered why I didn't blog about this annual party though it ought to be quite a significant event and also, I have many pictures collected over the years.
There must be something I didn't look forward to talking about I guess, but now this will change. I used to care too much about having everybody enjoy themselves, I think I have forgotten to enjoy myself. So this will also change. I will also care about myself. That is why I decided not to invite my freinds anymore so that I don't have to entertain them and I can just be free to roam around. (sorry friends!). (oh with the exception to Pamela, cos she is one person I don't have to worry about! I can trust that she will make herself at home), so Pam, next year ok?

okay, the title is making amends. So, what is this about?

Amends- Apology / Repentance / Regret / Sorrow / Reparation

I must tell you, one of my aunts, she was a troubled person with mainly anger issues.
She was stubborn, hot headed and often downright unreasonable & non-negotiable.
She used to have this friend of hers who was like a buddy- 妹仔, they were closed like BFF, best friends forever type and had been hanging out like for 7 years before one of the fits my aunt had, the friendship ended. 妹仔 was almost like a family friend but we all knew too well that the problem was with my aunt.

So this was like in 1986.

Fast forward to 2008, voola! My aunt relented and made amends with her old friend. She invited 妹仔 to the Christmas party and 妹仔 came!
wow, what a spot. If it were me, I may not have showed up.
I mean, it is like how many donkey years where it was being left off, what's the point of continuing? But I am glad not everyone thinks like me. Or there will be less reunions.

I salute to my aunt for coming to terms and making amends. This must be a feat for her I'm sure and it was all worth it. That fuzzy feeling of forgiving and foregoing, oh it was kind of mushy. Good thing 妹仔 was a good sport and I must say I have a lot to learn from both my aunt & 妹仔! I think my ego is bigger than I thought it was, I may have been too proud to make amends. Many times, I would just let go. Oh how I protect my fragile pride. How many times I would not tell someone I was hurt by their actions / comments and how many times I chose to just shut off, let go, move on without them. How egoistic am I?

So ladies & gentleman, if you do find a need to make amends, tell me if you could do it or tell me how you did it for I do have to learn. ="/

Marina

I attempted to paint a beautiful scenic picture and chose to paint a Marina.

It doesn't look a bit like how I hoped I could achieve but well, I guess this is what I can come up with.

I don't know why Val didn't buy the colour white, among the many colours she bought.

I do need white but I am ever so lazy to make a trip to the store.

Nevertheless, I think I should be better at abstract or is this just an excuse?

Whatever the case, I find that sketching and painting is very therapeutic and I hope everyone will explore it sometimes.

Blood Bank

Brendan is a blood doner for the past 18 years.

He became more active in the last 10 years, contributing at least once in a month.

I started collecting some of the "stressballs" as I found that those with a theme are rather cute.

My favourite is the HariRaya themed ball, cos I find that that is uniquely Asian.

My veins are very much hidden under my fats & flesh, so much so that once I tried donating blood but the nurse gave up. Many times when I needed to draw blood, they couldn't poke into my slippery vein. So you can imagine how I always need to brace myself before any such incidents. There was once a doctor who gave up and then decided to draw blood from the back of my hand. So you can imagine my veins are really quite shy.

Diskettes

I was cleaning out my cupboards and found a few boxes of these diskettes.

They stored my phtographs and notes. I would normally make notes on books that I read and found some theories useful or empowering. Used to print the summaries for friends sometimes.

Now that I could not find a PC or lap top to access these discs, I've thrown them all away. While cleaning out more cupboards, I began to give away a lot of my stuff. They are in almost mint condition and I realised that I really wouldn't need as much stuff. I have packed away more than half of my clothings and I still have a lot to wear. It is really time to let go of my many materials, I don't want to become a hoarder. I aim to just have things that I am using on a regular basis. That will be my new motto.

OSEA

I am still very tired.. exhausted cos we had our in-house exhibiton event last Thursday. Followed by one night out for a fund raising event on Sunday night, plus yesterday's shopping, I am feeling very tired now!

OSEA

The staff put up a song-and-dance for the opening of the dinner party and I was at the front row because I am among the shorties. We danced messily and poorly compared to our rehearsals. I guess it was the loud music and the live excitement that led every one to become disorganised. But the guests all cheered with so much warmth that I felt really supported eventhough we were all messing our dance steps. That is a very nice feeling and I'm glad we had that.

Our industry is a male dominated one. There are always booze and sleezy girls. Lap dancing, if not pole dancing. Sometimes it gets humiliating but this form of entertainment is considered normal in my industry. I took a snap of the troop of girls that were dressed in sailor costumes. We called them Sailor Moon, associated with the Japanese anime. I feel that they are selling their bodies eventhough people are just oggling and sometimes touching. Human beings are still at this lustful state where they need thrills like this to be excited. I wonder how the more advanced aliens would shake their heads watching our childishness but I guess some of us are still at this primitive stage.